Last night I caught part of the local news and I'm glad I did. Apparently another miracle has happened-the Virgin Mary put an image of herself on a bridge in Illinois (you can also go to CNN and there's a video showing the image as well as some very creepy christian chanting which I had trouble linking to). Now personally I think it's inappropriate for someone to draw their image everywhere and litter the country with grafitti. Just take a look at some of the images we've been blessed with in the past year.
This last one is the image of Jesus, in case you don't see the obvious. So this brings me to my next question. Why the fuck can't any of these christian dieties draw worth anything?!? I mean, shit, if I had supernatural powers and I was going to put up an image to bring hope and increase the faith of my followers I'd make a beautiful picture on the moon, or in the sky. And the quality would be better than anyone's ever seen. But putting some crappy sketch of yourself in someone's toast? C'mon, how am I supposed to fear an all-powerful god when apparently he can't even make a half-decent sketch on an overpass?
But you know, maybe I just don't have enough faith. Maybe I'm using my brain too much and think that I know what Jesus and Mary look like. But perhaps I don't, and they are trying to correct my perception. This theory sounds pretty rock solid so I don't feel nervous jumping the gun and proclaiming my discovery. Behold, the following is what Jesus and Mary really looked like.
Please contact your local church and make them aware of all the false images they're helping to advance.