Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Hilton's Celibacy is a Sign of the Apocalypse

    I apologize for the light posting, but in addition to my brother being in town, I've also been deeply affected by some of the news that has been reported on for the last two (or three) days. Namely that Paris Hilton isn't going to have sex for a year. I am glad that we have so many good reporters out there that could get me all the important details of this story. And if you look at the article, you'll see that they know exactly how these types of stories should be reported.

     The story starts with this
The 25-year-old who gained international fame when a former boyfriend posted a videotape of the couple having sex on the Internet denied leading a promiscuous lifestyle in an interview with the British edition of GQ magazine.

This description was crucial for me. I had almost forgot who Paris Hilton was. Today's fine reporters know that I need to have at least a small paragraph description of a person before I learn about their sex life.

The article continues
"I'm not having sex for a year. ... I'll kiss, but nothing else"

Thank you! I mean, yeah, I understand she's going to be celibate for a year, but how far is she willing to go? Isn't this the natural question? This is news you can use, especially on the club scene.

Guy 1- Dude look, Paris Hilton is over there. She looks great.

Guy 2- No she doesn't asshole. She's way too skinny, has no chest, and her face doesn't even look that good.

Guy 1- Whatever. Think I should buy her a drink?

Guy 2- Nah, I wouldn't bother. Furthest you can get is first base. I saw it this morning on CNN.


In less important news, here is an interesting statement signed by Chomsky, Zinn, Loach, and others that appeared in the Guardian regarding the Israeli attack on Lebanon.


Anonymous said...

Keep this up and you'll have a job in the MSM in no time. :P

Anonymous said...

Is it just me or unintelligent women are very unattractive? :-) So as far as I am concerned Hilton can and probably should remain celibate forever, for the sake of humanity.

It is a shame that media is flooded with all kind of garbage: from reality shows to Gibson's drunk episodes to Hilton's bedroom dramas, while so many important events don't get covered and so many very intelligent people don't get any airtime.

Maybe Chomsky and Co. need to create a reality show. Something like "Save The World in One Month", or "Stop the War Now", or "Super Environmentalist."